It is easy as a parent to get caught up in what up in what our children are doing wrong, but that leads us to failing to notice what they may be doing right. Parents are diligent about teaching and caring for children to have good behavior, but when things go wrong the web of criticism can get complicated.
If there is always constant criticism, and few praises there are other residual affects that can occur. If your child is seeking your attention, they will get it by any means necessary! If the continual attention is negative, than the child is going to seek a negative means to get a response from you.
It is imperative as a parent to make sure that you are praising the behavior and not the child’s personality. Behavior is what needs to be altered, and that should be where the focus lies. However, when it comes to personality, the child is going to be very resistant to change.
Shaping good behavior through praise is a teaching tool that must be a repeated process to show approval for your child’s newly established behavior patterns. Studies have shown that it “good girl” or “good boy” will not establish positive self-concept, but explain the behavior your praising. Emphasizing the behaviors in the specifics of praise will help the child understand what they need to do to repeat it.
There is a balance between the praise and constructive criticism, and it is based mainly on age and personality of the child. You know your child best, so use that knowledge to seek out what works best for you and them. No one way is effective with every child. Some children are stronger willed than others. On the other hand, some are extremely sensitive and need to be praised or redirected differently.
Our children’s attitudes will play a part in their behavior as well. That being said, it is vital to focus on the condition of your child’s heart also. We want a healthy relationship with them, not just for them to be obedient.